How to motivate yourself to clean when you’re depressed…
Sometimes you’re not inspired to get your house together because you just want to play all day. Or there’s too much on Netflix. Or Hulu. Or Google Play…
Those are regular motivation issues, and I address them in a previous post, How To Motivate Yourself To Clean When You’re Just Not Feeling It.
However, lack of motivation due to depression is a post all in itself.
Before we begin, let me say that if you are depressed and not under a doctor’s care, please see a doctor. And if you are under a doctor’s care, listen to them before me. Always.
“Depression Sucks.” Well Said, Captain Obvious.
All that said, I’ve been there. Depression sucks even in the best of conditions.
If you’ve ever experienced this (and I think you may have – why else would you bother to read this?), then you know that there are times when even closing the lid on a peanut butter jar is too much.
During my worst depression, even putting the lid back on the PB&J jars felt like a job in itself.
And not closing the lid on the peanut butter jar, combined with all the other “nots” that depression leads to, such as…
- Not wiping up the crumbs,
- Not picking up your dirty laundry,
- Not hanging your bath towel,
- Not doing dishes (or even bringing them to the kitchen),
- Not sweeping or picking up stuff that falls on the floor,
- Not washing clothes,
- Not cleaning up cat barf, and
- Not doing all the other many, many things you’d (probably) do if you felt better,
…all work together to tear apart any semblance of order you created when you were feeling fine.
When it all comes tumbling down
And when everything falls apart around you, it only brings you further down. Depression feeds the mess, and the mess feeds the depression.
How can you get out from under?
If You Can’t ImProve Your House, Don’t Make Things Worse
First, I suggest that if you can do nothing else, don’t make things worse. Don’t make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and leave the jars and bread out. Try your best to keep the status quo.
This might not seem to matter if the kitchen is completely trashed. What difference could two jars and a few crumbs make?
But use that as your starting point. Hang on by your fingernails until you can do more.
Once you can go a step further, try some tiny goals and microscopic victories.
Use Micro Tasks To Move Forward
To get myself to do something, anything, I came up with the Micro Task Method during one of my worst depressions that lasted 18 months.
This method is not for days when you are in a hurry or have major time constraints. This is for those times when you are:
- Really down,
- You feel like doing nothing,
- You’ve already canceled any outside commitments, and
- You can barely get out of bed (let alone get out of your pajamas).
The days when anything is better than nothing.
This is when you need very major but also very basic motivation. And kindness to yourself. Celebrate every victory.
One tiny victory at a time
I’ll start by saying this may feel like a completely counter-intuitive method for cleaning while depressed. Counter-intuitive because it seems like:
- A waste of the precious little energy you have to spend it making lists,
- You’ve probably been trying for years to learn to finish things and NOT skip around,
- Making lists might overwhelm you even more when you’re already down and overwhelmed, and
- Making everything the same priority is ridiculous.
Then again, desperate times…
During my darker days of depression, following this method helps me slowly, gradually whittle down the chores that seem monumental. The ones that are no-brainers on “normal” days but loom large on depressed days.
Figure Out the Minimum of Housework to Make Your Home Functional Again
Make a list of every single thing you need to do to get the house functional. Even the most obvious of things. But primarily those that are necessary to get up and running again.
Then break every list item down into chunks. Teeny, tiny chunks.
Like if you need to clean off all the horizontal surfaces in the bedroom, list each dresser separately.
Quickly number the list. It’s okay to have a bazillion things on it. Just try to make sure each task takes less than 5 minutes (preferably less than 2).
You are not going to get all of these things done. You are simply going to make forward progress.
This isn’t like a regular to do list. This is a “push my way up to the surface so I can breathe” list.
Keep in mind, if there’s something you really do need to get done today, circle it. That way, it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle.
Alternate Between Housework and Rest
Method #1 Work In Intervals
Set a timer for 15 minutes and do something you enjoy first, before you even begin, like reading or looking at a magazine or coloring in a coloring book.
Make sure it’s something that counts as taking care of yourself, not just an avoidance activity like playing on your phone or going back to bed.
When that goes off, set a new timer for 30 minutes.
If 30 sounds like too much, then set it for 15.
Do as many things on the list as you possibly can. Do them in any order, even if it wouldn’t ordinarily make sense.
This is a free-flying, non-perfectionist, non-overwhelming way to make progress on your house, any progress at all.
Do not let yourself get distracted. If it is not on your list, do not do it right now.
Stop each time the timer goes off for another 15 minute break. That helps you trust yourself.
Method #2 Set a Goal
Alternatively, instead of setting a work timer, do a set number of things on the list. Say, 10 or 20. Or 5 if that’s all you can face.
Count to yourself as you do each one. Don’t forget to cross them off once you are sitting back down.
Mix harder ones in with easier, quicker ones. If unloading the dishwasher seems insurmountable, do it, and then do an easy one like “put shoes on” (yes, you can get this basic) or “move the laundry from the washer to the dryer.”
See how small these chunks are? I’m telling you, this is for when you flat out cannot get yourself to do anything.
Keep Track of Your Ta Das
Start each break by crossing off anything you did. If you begin to feel more normal (or at least a little more motivated), switch to a different method during the next work period (like the ones suggested here, here, and here).
It starts to add up
But if you find yourself crashing or doing something counterproductive, go back to the timer, the breaks, and the bazillion-item list.
Make Sure Your List Is Totally Broken Down
Do not even think about putting the words “clean kitchen” anywhere near this list. Even if “clean kitchen” is only a 15-minute job on a regular day.
This is not a regular day.
Instead, break it all out:
- Dishwasher top
- Dishwasher bottom
- Counter 1 clear
- Counter 1 wipe
- Counter 2 clear
- Counter 2 wipe
- Counter 3 clear
- Counter 3 wipe
- Counter 4 clear
- Counter 4 wipe
- Stovetop clear
- Stovetop wipe
- Sink unload
- Sink clean
- Sweep floor
- Put broom away
You Will Make Progress Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It
You are cleaning one itsy bitsy piece of real estate at a time. You can clear one section of kitchen counter and wander upstairs to wipe out the master bathroom sink, getting mental credit for two jobs completely done instead of barely making a dent in two much larger jobs.
And now you have two tiny areas in your house that are a little better than before. Good job!
Obviously, this is not for the days when you are busy or are trying to be efficient. These are for those days when you could easily talk yourself right back under those snuggly covers.
Use Your Timer
Set a timer for this method to keep track of intervals, but don’t try to beat it. You don’t always have the mental energy to beat a timer, and this time it’s not a race.
This time it is a strategy for containing your work time and break time.
Even if you choose a set number of tasks instead of a set time, the timer will help you stay on track and remember what you’re supposed to be doing.
Decide How Much You Want To Do
Just so we’re clear, I’m not telling you to feel guilty about your house being declared a disaster zone. And I’m not telling you to fix it.
But when I’m feeling this way and desperate to dig out, this system has worked for me over and over. It works for me in deep depressions and in moderate ones.
Sometimes that tiny sense of accomplishment is all you need to spark a bit of light way, way, way down in that tunnel.
You will get to the light. I promise. And I hope you get there soon. We miss you.
Before you know it, your house will be functional again
How To Motivate Yourself To Clean When You’re Depressed
If this post helped you, please pin it for later and so others can find it. Thank you!
I desperately needed this article. Thank you so much!!!!
Hi Angela – I’m glad it was there for you but sorry you needed it. 🙁 {{Hugs}} – Joni
This is exactly what I’ve been searching for. I’ve been in such a horrible pit of unmotivated, depression and anxiety that even washing my hair seems like a chore. This article gives me hope that I can do this. Thank you
Hi Brittany,
I’m so sorry you’re feeling that low. I get it – I remember when brushing my teeth was too much. I hope this works for you. Just know you’re not alone and it will get better, I promise. Come back and let me know how you make out if you feel up to it. {{hugs}} Joni
Even though my diagnosis is severe depression and not ADHD, you must be channeling me because you’ve described me better than I can. Thank you for this. Really. I think I can do this. And I’m relieved that I’m not the only one.
Hi Kristi,
You can definitely do this and you’re not alone. Your comment made me teary.
I promise one day you’ll look back at this time and not understand how you could have felt so bad. In the meantime, just do what you can.
And remember that if you put in the tiniest bit of effort, something inside you might respond and give you the energy to do the next little thing.
Please come back and let me know how you’re doing. (((Hugs))) – Joni
I finally found you! Thank you!
Hi Denic, I didn’t know you were looking for me, but I’m glad you’re here ? – Joni ?
Thank you…so much. With therapy and medication, I have been “managing” chronic severe depression and social anxiety disorder for 26 years. Sometimes managing my motivation is a tough task. I do appreciate this post.
Hi Annie,
I’m sorry you have to go through that. Motivation when you’re severely depressed can be so hard to find. Sometimes just one little win can help. Thank you so much for taking the time and making the effort to let me know you’re here. Comments from readers who understand where I’m coming from and maybe get a little help from my posts are what give ME my own motivation to write. So thank you ? – Joni
I know I am not alone in this but never knew you were here to make such good recommendations for a itty bitty list that would not overwhelm me, even though I sometimes get so OCD with lists they drive me bonkers. Yes, I’ve been living my life with bi-polar disorder over 40yrs on medication with more deep depression than mania.
Your timer idea is awesome. I’m flaked if you are unflaked. Thank you.?
Hi Delonda!
I’m still kind of an “unflaking in progress” ?. I’m so sorry for my delayed response – COVID kicked my butt over the holidays and I’m just now catching up.
You’re right about lists – they can be SO helpful or your worst enemy, depending on the day. You’re not alone and thank you for your comment letting me know I’m not alone either ??
I’m 80 and I have been depressed periodically for as long as I can remember. Anxiety attacks are a freebee with this kind if depression. I have found a terrific therapist who is saying the same thing you are. IT WORKS! It really does. If you are depressed, try it.
Hi Connie,
I’m so sorry for my very delayed response. I got knocked out by COVID over the holidays and am just now getting back to everyday life!
I’m sorry to hear about your depression and anxiety – I’m right there with you. I’m so glad you’ve found ways to work around it like I have. A messy house just makes it worse! Thank you for your comment ?
Thank you for this article. Even just reading it made me feel less alone. I am going to try to keep it near as I attempt to dig my way out of my chaotic and very cluttered/dirty home. It feels so insurmountable bc of my depression, but I will keep your words near for inspiration.
I’m glad I could offer some hope, you’re definitely not alone. Please come back and let me know how you’re doing ? – Joni
Wow.. I feel good about this article and I’m so happy I found it.. really been struggling lately and overwhelmed with all the things..,
Hi Erica, I’m sorry you’re struggling but really glad you’re here. I hope the post helps with some of the overwhelm – I totally get how that feels. Please come back and tell me how you’re doing. ?
Finally, someone understands! I lost my husband just over a year ago and took care of him 24/7 for several years prior. I have been shocked at how this has affected me. You mentioned avoidance and I didn’t know what I was doing had a name until a good six months after I began practicing it. I’ve been treated or anxiety, depression and ADD for many years. I will be putting your suggestions to use immediately. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas. I believe this will help me and others like me.
Hi Karen,
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. ? Thank you for taking the time to comment – it means so much to me, especially when I know how much it probably takes you to do anything at all, right now. I hope you’re able to find some light in your house soon. Please come back and tell me how you’re doing ? Take care – Joni
I can’t believe someone actually “gets me”!!
This is a very accurate description of me at this time in my life. I am a “list” person so I’m going to try and get back to that. But thank you thank you thank you!!!
Lana
Hi Lana,
I’m so glad you found something that can help! I know how hard it is. Also, just know that your message gave me joy today ? – Joni
Hello Joni I just read your article and I really needed the help you give in your article because I’m taking care of my wife because she can’t walk since she had the covid virus and I get so depressed taking care of my wife that I don’t know how to take care of the apartment but now I have a way to start to clean the apartment thanks to your article
I’m using my wife’s email because my phone is not working
Hi Erich, I’m so sorry I missed your comment. Several went into my spam folder and I just found them. I hope things are looking up for you. I know how hard it is to keep going when you’re depressed – your wife is so lucky you’re taking care of her. I hope you’re both feeling better soon. Please come back and let me know how you’re doing. Take care ?
Would you happen to have a printable version of this list ? Thank you
Hi Rhonda,
I’m not sure what list you mean? The steps I listed or the actual list I talk about making? The list I talk about making would be a list you make of all the things you need to do to get the house functional again, broken down into very small chunks (like the example I gave of cleaning the kitchen) so that would be different for each person. If you mean a list of the steps I mentioned, let me know and I can summarize it for you and send it to you.